A Mentalist Christmas
by Roses16
Summary: Spend the holidays with our favorite team!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my second fanfic, but my first for The Mentalist. I would like to thank my friend and editor, Serena. Please R&R!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mentalist or any of the characters, Bruno Heller does!**

It was a chilly December morning-or at least, as chilly as it could get in Sacramento, California-and Patrick Jane was asleep on the comfortable, brown leather couch in CBI headquarters. When he finally woke up at 5:43 am, he stayed on his back, staring at the Elvis shaped stain on the ceiling. He was wondering who would be the first to come into the bullpen that day when a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Jane?" called the voice of Teresa Lisbon. He turned slightly onto his side and craned his neck. Yep, he was right again, Lisbon was the first to arrive. Crisp-looking as always, she wore dark blue jeans, and the white collar of a women's dress shirt peaked out from the top of the green-grey sweater she was wearing. "Have you stayed here all night? Again?"

"Hello Lisbon, good morning to you too!" Jane smiled, jumped up from the couch, and ran his fingers through his blond, curly, 'bed-head' hair. Lisbon walked over to him holding four cups of coffee in a coffee tray in her left hand, and a clear thermos filled with peppermint tea in her right. They were hot drinks for the whole team. Lisbon handed the tea over to Jane.

"I can't believe you slept here last night!" Lisbon gave Jane a disapproving look as he took a sip of the peppermint tea. "It's the 23rd! Two more days until Christmas and this whole week you've been staying inside the office!"

"I barely ever go home for specific purposes you and I both know about, and last night I did not feel like staying in a motel room. Instead, I slept on the couch, as I so often do," Jane answered calmly, still sipping his tea. He ignored the part about him not getting out often enough.

"You didn't even sleep with a blanket or pillow," Lisbon countered, gesturing to the empty couch. "You know what? Today I'm going to make you go outside and I will make you enjoy the holiday season if it's the last thing I do! I might even bring the rest of the team with us!"

"For the first time ever, I think I'm actually wishing for a case to work on."

"You? Work?" Lisbon smirked and started to laugh. "It must be a Christmas miracle!"

Lisbon had dragged Wayne Rigsby, Kimball Cho, Grace Van Pelt, and even Jane to the mall after she cleared it with the director of the CBI, Gale Bertram (or not).The mall was playing Christmas music and there was red and green fluffy tinsel wrapped around each white pillar.

"Whoa... That's beautiful!" Van Pelt exclaimed, talking about the huge Christmas tree in the centre of the mall. It was decorated with big red butterflies and white round Christmas ornaments. The rest of the team gaped with her. Even Jane was in awe. Lisbon smiled. Suddenly, idea hit her.

"We should have a Secret Santa exchange!" She exclaimed and everyone nodded.

"Good idea Boss," Cho said (still monotone). He pulled out a note-pad and a pen and wrote down everyone's name, each on a different piece of paper. Cho ripped out each sheet, folded each in quarters, took off his baseball hat, and put all the names in it. Everyone took turns picking a name from the hat. Rigsby got himself so he had to re-draw.

"Goodbye everyone! I am about to be the most wonderful Secret Santa a CBI consultant has ever been in history!" Jane called over his shoulder.

Rigsby smirked and mumbled, "don't let that go to your head," once Jane was out of ear shot. The rest of the team all shared a laugh before embarking on separate journeys to find the perfect gift.

Lisbon looked down at her folder paper and opened it. She wondered who she'd be Secret Santa for.

There, scribbled in the middle of the sheet, was the name:

_Patrick Jane_.

Van Pelt finished her shopping first and waited by the meeting place (the Christmas tree in the middle of the mall). She'd gotten a call from Lisbon saying that she had to leave early and not to wait for her. Of course Van Pelt was curious, but thought better of questioning the boss.

"Hey!" Jane called out, walking toward Van Pelt. His present was nowhere in sight. Van Pelt decided it was small enough to hide in a pocket; meanwhile she had to wrap her jacket around the bag she was holding as to hide the store name and logo from sight. Cho came next, claiming he decided what to get his person and that it wasn't at the mall. Rigsby was the last person to come, and when he made eye contact with Van Pelt, turned red in the face. He put a hand on top of where his inside jacket pocket would be, as if everyone suddenly developed x-ray vision.

The ride back to the CBI was irritating, especially for Cho, who surprisingly did not enjoy the car radio during the winter season. Jane insisted that Van Pelt keep the radio on, despite Cho's complaints stating all the channels played were annoying Christmas songs that were getting on his nerves. Little did anyone suspect waiting for them at the CBI was a bigger problem than carols...

"My couch! Where is my couch?" Jane exclaimed, feeling the air that had took the couch's place. He felt like nothing was the same in the bullpen without the presence of the couch—like a 1000 piece puzzle box only containing 999 pieces. He decided to talk to Bertram. "Where is the couch, Bertram?"

"It is with a needy family. We gave it away in the spirit of Christmas!" Bertram replied. Jane gaped.

"No," he said. "No, you're lying! I can tell!" Bertram sighed.

"Okay, fine," he started. "I just thought saying we gave it away would seem better, more self-less, but if you must know, we sold the couch," Jane's eyes bulged out of his skull. "The money went to the CBI. Besides, it's not like the ratty old couch really was of use anyways."

Jane excused himself from Bertram's office and quickly dialled Lisbon on his cell phone. "We have a crisis at hand."

The next day was slow. The team had no real work to do because, apparently, crime does take a break during the holidays. All everyone had to look forward to was the Christmas Eve party held at Lisbon's place after work.

Lisbon surprisingly had no more paperwork to fill out, forcing her to stay with the others in the bullpen, doing nothing. She just sat on a desk. Van Pelt was mindlessly searching random things on her computer, Cho was deep into reading A Christmas Carol, Rigsby was in the kitchen eating all the yogurt from the fridge, and Jane was trying to get over the missing couch by lying down on the floor where the couch should've been.

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me," Lisbon started to sing. Van Pelt perked up at the first line of the song. Even Jane stopped moping to sing along. Cho continued reading, but didn't complain. By the end of the song, everyone was laughing (except Cho, but at least he let a smile form at the corner of his mouth).

At that moment, Rigsby came back from the kitchen. "What did I miss?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two!**

"Hi Grace!" Lisbon said after opening the door. They hugged. "Come in! You're the first person to arrive!" Lisbon hung up Van Pelt's thin grey jacket. Van Pelt was wearing a green, knee-length chiffon dress with puffy short sleeves that went perfectly with her red hair. The dress had ruffles on the bottom of it and attached was a thin gold belt. Lisbon felt underdressed in black suit pants from Macy's, short sleeved red blouse, and the silver cross necklace she never takes off.

"Oh, I love your blouse, it's beautiful!" Van Pelt exclaimed. Lisbon blushed at the floor. When she looked up, she saw a vintage, 1972 Citroen DS 20 painted eggshell blue pulling into her driveway.

"Jane's here!" She exclaimed. Jane got out of his car and walked up to the house. He wore a red collared dress shirt under a navy blue three-piece suit. Cho and Rigsby carpooled and came soon after dressed in their work suits. Rigsby made Cho wear a Santa hat, and Cho made Rigsby wear a Rudolph nose and reindeer antlers.

"Rigsby the red nosed human reindeer," Rigsby started to sing a twisted version of the song. Everyone laughed. Cho smiled as he sang the Santa line.

"Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa Cho said: 'Rigsby I hate most Christmas songs, why did you have to start this one?'" At this point, Van Pelt almost choked on her own Christmas tree cookie. She had made a bunch of cookies for the party; trees, snowmen, and even reindeer and Santa Claus cookies!

After the song was done and they had gobbled down all the cookies, Lisbon announced it was time for Secret Santa gift exchange. She picked up a gift from the round, wooden table. "This one's for Cho."

Cho took the horribly wrapped package (even a cartoon penguin should most defiantly not look like that) from a Lisbon's hands. When he opened it, he found the book "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens inside. He furrowed his brow and looked at the inside cover. There, where Cho expected it, was his writing. 'This Book is Property of Kimball Cho'. It was his copy.

"Hmm, my guess is that Jane was my Secret Santa and took this from my desk at work. All he did was wrap it," said Cho, then paused, "badly."

"I can't believe you Cho!" Jane exclaimed, faking a sad face. "You really think I would do something like that?"

"Yep," Cho respond, voice still monotone. "No offence."

"None taken," Jane started taking out a grey pouch from his inside jacket pocket, "because that's exactly what I did! Here's your real present." Cho opened the pouch and found a pair of sunglasses. Sunglasses worth $100. "They're to replace the ones I broke," Jane explained.

"Wow," a rare thing occurred... Cho started to smile. "Thanks Jane!"

"You're welcome!" He replied. "Alright, now Rigsby, open yours!"

"I wonder what's inside..." Rigsby said, trying to hide his giddy enthusiasm and excitement as he ripped open the red envelope addressed to him. "Oh my god! A gift card! For Ruth's Chris Steakhouse!" Food... It's basically Rigsby's main weakness.

"How much money is on the card?" Lisbon asked and tried to look over his shoulder.

"Seventy-five dollars!" Rigsby looked up from the card. "Okay, I give up. Who was my Secret Santa?"

"Me," said Cho. "Merry Christmas."

"Thanks buddy!" Rigsby grinned. "Alright, Boss should be next!"

"Thanks," Lisbon said to Rigsby, taking a yellow bag with pink polka-dots from him. She took out the red and green tissue paper and peered inside. "Oh, it's a dart board!" She exclaimed, pulling out the board and magnetic darts. She noticed something else inside and pulled that out too. It was a picture of Jane's face. Lisbon cocked her head to the right and lifted her left eyebrow which made Van Pelt rush to explain.

"It's for when Jane annoys you too much. You can shoot darts at him, yet nobody gets hurt!" Van Pelt noticed everybody starring at her, smile on their faces. It was then she realized she'd just given herself away. "Uh, I-I think..."

Lisbon hugged Van Pelt while Jane said, "looks like Secret Santa Grace was not very secret... How 'bout you open your gift now? Rigsby look positively anxious," Rigsby shot Jane a death stare. Van Pelt smiled and reached across the table for the last remaining present. It was a small box wrapped in snowflake wrapping paper.

"Oh Wayne... The wrapping paper is beautiful!" Van Pelt managed to whisper. She carefully took it off to save it. Van Pelt's eyes fell upon the word 'Peoples' on the box and her breaths caught in her throat. Inside was a sterling silver bracelet with a white sapphire snowflake on it. "This... Is gorgeous... Oh Wayne! It's-it's-it must have cost a fortune! It's so beautiful!"

"Not as beautiful as the person wearing it," Rigsby said after Van Pelt put on the bracelet. She blushed. "Honestly Grace... You're worth it," Rigsby reached for her hand and she didn't pull away.

"Thank you," she replied, looking into his eyes. "Thank you so much!" Eventually, Van Pelt jerked back to reality and realized there were no more gifts left, yet Jane had yet to open one. Jane noticed too.

"Where's mine?" He asked Lisbon, the only person who had not given a gift yet. She grinned slyly.

"Follow me..." She got up from the couch she was sitting on and led everyone to another room. A room holding something big, wrapped. Something the shape of Jane's couch. He quickly tore the paper. Yes, there was his beloved couch. He immediately jumped on it. "The couch is officially yours!" Lisbon announced. "It is no longer the CBI's; it is your personal property Jane! No one can sit on it without your permission, and no one can give it away except you if you choose to do so!"

"Thank you Teresa!" Jane said, still on the couch. "Today was absolute torture without the couch, so I'm not happy that you took it away, but thanks anyways-" Jane paused for a second and looked up at Lisbon. "You _are_ going to put it back... Right?"

Lisbon smirked. "Another thing about it being _your_ property is that you're the only one who is allowed to move it!" She turned around on her heel to walk away, but turned her head back one more time. "Good luck!"

**HAVE A MERRY MENTALIST CHRISTMAS, AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!**


End file.
